Even longer time...!

My god nearly 2 months since I last posted! Guess thats what being busy does to you!

I am off work this week. Went to Chester at the weekend to spend some time with two of the ladies off the forum. Got blind drunk with them on the Friday night, but that is allowed as I have managed to cut myself down to one glass of wine a night during the week! Had a nice time in Chester. Though it has mad me start to question whether I am still right to work on the forum. I almost feel like a fraud for having no physcological issues except my emetophobis, when all the other women clearly still have their own issues. I would hate to think I am being judged for being `well'.

Have managed to be getting to the gym 4 times a week, alternating gym and swimming. I was a bit dissapointed that thay hadnt timetabled Yoga for a time I could do, but it turns out that have just set up a new class on Wednesday nights so I cant wait for that! Havent lost a single pound yet, which seems unfait with all the work and lack of drinking I have been doing, but I do feel better for it.

January cant come quick enough! David is not back till late tonight as he has gone off to see his kids so I am gonna get stuck in to one of the anatomy and physiology books when Isabelle has gone to bed I think.

Having the odd bout of anxiety still, but nothing I cant handle, and quite proud of how well I manage it these days. Just wish it would go away all together so I could jack my meds in.

The mental health practitioner hasnt been in touch for ages, which is really dissapointing as I was desperate to sort out this sex fear with us. I am fearful of the impact it is having on my marriage. And I think I have also begun to dislike being touched generally, which is not good for a relationship. Hoping she hasnt forgotten me as I really want to get this sorted.

Isabelle had a wonderful time at Legoland at the beginning of the week. She was such a star considering she was so tired and really enjoyed it. Will definately be takig her back there again. My next worry wit her is the toilet training, or lack of it, She just doesnt want to know! But I know not to push her and take it day by day and see how we get on. I need to worry about it alot less than I am. Wish I has a loo training manual!

Things with David have been up and down. Understandable considering I have been behaving like a freak with being touched and initmacy. I think the way forward is just to force myself into these things, then at least if I can make him happy I will feel like I am doing something right! At least we have had some good times this week and seem to be on the right tracks again. He just dwells on so much to do with my past and I wish I could stop him from doing that as it just drags us all down,

Hopefully it wont be so long between posts next time - if not - back at Xmas! LOL