I so wanted to update this blog more, but there seems to be no time in the day! Having said that I have just spent two days in bed ill...
Came home from work on Friday night and started to feel really dizzy again, next thing I know I hit the deck in the living room, so frantically tried to ring David to come home as I couldnt get to Isabelle. Eventually got hold of his Boss who found him and sent him home. By this point I was on the phone to NHS direct... Next thing I am in bed and david has dialled 999, there are two paramedics in the room. How embarrasing! However it looks like it was just labrynthitis caused by my cold, and I am feeling much better now... so much drama!
Things are good at home. david and I had a couple of days in London last week while Isabelle stopped at Mums. She had a great time, we had a great time, so no complaints there! I even managed to get a new tattoo in Soho of Isabelles initials on my wrist (god im so rock and roll...LOL)
Got loads more gigs lined up which is an arse because i am frighteningly poor! Ting Tings on wednesday, Cajun Dance Party on saturday then off to Rufford to stop in a pine lodge with Isabelle for three days the week after (cant wait). Lets see how entertained we can stay on zero cash..
I really have got to sort the job out by december, cant start life as a student in debt!
Anyway, I am cut short again by Isabelle demanding my time, but hope to update again here soon!!
x
Sunday, 21 September 2008
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Even longer time...!
My god nearly 2 months since I last posted! Guess thats what being busy does to you!
I am off work this week. Went to Chester at the weekend to spend some time with two of the ladies off the forum. Got blind drunk with them on the Friday night, but that is allowed as I have managed to cut myself down to one glass of wine a night during the week! Had a nice time in Chester. Though it has mad me start to question whether I am still right to work on the forum. I almost feel like a fraud for having no physcological issues except my emetophobis, when all the other women clearly still have their own issues. I would hate to think I am being judged for being `well'.
Have managed to be getting to the gym 4 times a week, alternating gym and swimming. I was a bit dissapointed that thay hadnt timetabled Yoga for a time I could do, but it turns out that have just set up a new class on Wednesday nights so I cant wait for that! Havent lost a single pound yet, which seems unfait with all the work and lack of drinking I have been doing, but I do feel better for it.
January cant come quick enough! David is not back till late tonight as he has gone off to see his kids so I am gonna get stuck in to one of the anatomy and physiology books when Isabelle has gone to bed I think.
Having the odd bout of anxiety still, but nothing I cant handle, and quite proud of how well I manage it these days. Just wish it would go away all together so I could jack my meds in.
The mental health practitioner hasnt been in touch for ages, which is really dissapointing as I was desperate to sort out this sex fear with us. I am fearful of the impact it is having on my marriage. And I think I have also begun to dislike being touched generally, which is not good for a relationship. Hoping she hasnt forgotten me as I really want to get this sorted.
Isabelle had a wonderful time at Legoland at the beginning of the week. She was such a star considering she was so tired and really enjoyed it. Will definately be takig her back there again. My next worry wit her is the toilet training, or lack of it, She just doesnt want to know! But I know not to push her and take it day by day and see how we get on. I need to worry about it alot less than I am. Wish I has a loo training manual!
Things with David have been up and down. Understandable considering I have been behaving like a freak with being touched and initmacy. I think the way forward is just to force myself into these things, then at least if I can make him happy I will feel like I am doing something right! At least we have had some good times this week and seem to be on the right tracks again. He just dwells on so much to do with my past and I wish I could stop him from doing that as it just drags us all down,
Hopefully it wont be so long between posts next time - if not - back at Xmas! LOL
I am off work this week. Went to Chester at the weekend to spend some time with two of the ladies off the forum. Got blind drunk with them on the Friday night, but that is allowed as I have managed to cut myself down to one glass of wine a night during the week! Had a nice time in Chester. Though it has mad me start to question whether I am still right to work on the forum. I almost feel like a fraud for having no physcological issues except my emetophobis, when all the other women clearly still have their own issues. I would hate to think I am being judged for being `well'.
Have managed to be getting to the gym 4 times a week, alternating gym and swimming. I was a bit dissapointed that thay hadnt timetabled Yoga for a time I could do, but it turns out that have just set up a new class on Wednesday nights so I cant wait for that! Havent lost a single pound yet, which seems unfait with all the work and lack of drinking I have been doing, but I do feel better for it.
January cant come quick enough! David is not back till late tonight as he has gone off to see his kids so I am gonna get stuck in to one of the anatomy and physiology books when Isabelle has gone to bed I think.
Having the odd bout of anxiety still, but nothing I cant handle, and quite proud of how well I manage it these days. Just wish it would go away all together so I could jack my meds in.
The mental health practitioner hasnt been in touch for ages, which is really dissapointing as I was desperate to sort out this sex fear with us. I am fearful of the impact it is having on my marriage. And I think I have also begun to dislike being touched generally, which is not good for a relationship. Hoping she hasnt forgotten me as I really want to get this sorted.
Isabelle had a wonderful time at Legoland at the beginning of the week. She was such a star considering she was so tired and really enjoyed it. Will definately be takig her back there again. My next worry wit her is the toilet training, or lack of it, She just doesnt want to know! But I know not to push her and take it day by day and see how we get on. I need to worry about it alot less than I am. Wish I has a loo training manual!
Things with David have been up and down. Understandable considering I have been behaving like a freak with being touched and initmacy. I think the way forward is just to force myself into these things, then at least if I can make him happy I will feel like I am doing something right! At least we have had some good times this week and seem to be on the right tracks again. He just dwells on so much to do with my past and I wish I could stop him from doing that as it just drags us all down,
Hopefully it wont be so long between posts next time - if not - back at Xmas! LOL
Saturday, 28 June 2008
Long Time...
I have been seriously neglecting my blog! All this work, being a mum, working on the forum, keeping ahouse etc just takes up too much time!!
David had offered to pay for a years membership for a new gym that is opening across the road from us soon. Looks beautiful with gorgeous pool, spa etc.. Im very excited, but also wondering how i am gonna manage 3 times a week there... lol x
Still excited about starting my course in Jan! But stressed about cash. I am seriously overdrawn earning 26k a year so god knows how I will mange on 6k! But where there is a will there is a way..
Work is driving me nuts. I am starting to seriously dislike many of my colleagues and cant wait to get away from them. I have spent all these years working only with men and starting now to realise how bloody annoying and ignorant they are. I dont have to put up with the torrent of abuse that I do, and gonna start to make a stand!
Fuel prices are freaking me out too! Desperate to keep my car but dont see how I am going to be able to! Might have to get something small and crappy for a bit :(
Trying to sort out my drinking problem too. A bottle of wine every night really is not helping my weight! Its all right watching what I eat but that is clearly not the problem. Quite concerened that I may have a real problem with the booze.
Still getting out and about quite a lot. Been to loads of gigs and got a few more coming up, uts all money again though isnt it?! It is important for me to do these things too, I think it helps my anxiety to remember how I was before being a mum.
Talking of being a mum, Isabelle is still delightful! She has her moments the same as all toddlers, but I love her to bits and we generally have a great time together! Things ith David are ok, but I still have this fear of sex. Its bloody ridiculous and I am frightened it will one day end out marriage. The poor guy thinks its him, its hard to explain that that is not the case ans there is just something wierd going on with me. I really need psychoanalysing!
Hmmm, I smell poo... time for LO's nappy change I think!!
David had offered to pay for a years membership for a new gym that is opening across the road from us soon. Looks beautiful with gorgeous pool, spa etc.. Im very excited, but also wondering how i am gonna manage 3 times a week there... lol x
Still excited about starting my course in Jan! But stressed about cash. I am seriously overdrawn earning 26k a year so god knows how I will mange on 6k! But where there is a will there is a way..
Work is driving me nuts. I am starting to seriously dislike many of my colleagues and cant wait to get away from them. I have spent all these years working only with men and starting now to realise how bloody annoying and ignorant they are. I dont have to put up with the torrent of abuse that I do, and gonna start to make a stand!
Fuel prices are freaking me out too! Desperate to keep my car but dont see how I am going to be able to! Might have to get something small and crappy for a bit :(
Trying to sort out my drinking problem too. A bottle of wine every night really is not helping my weight! Its all right watching what I eat but that is clearly not the problem. Quite concerened that I may have a real problem with the booze.
Still getting out and about quite a lot. Been to loads of gigs and got a few more coming up, uts all money again though isnt it?! It is important for me to do these things too, I think it helps my anxiety to remember how I was before being a mum.
Talking of being a mum, Isabelle is still delightful! She has her moments the same as all toddlers, but I love her to bits and we generally have a great time together! Things ith David are ok, but I still have this fear of sex. Its bloody ridiculous and I am frightened it will one day end out marriage. The poor guy thinks its him, its hard to explain that that is not the case ans there is just something wierd going on with me. I really need psychoanalysing!
Hmmm, I smell poo... time for LO's nappy change I think!!
Sunday, 25 May 2008
Student life - here I come!
I haven't written for a while simply because I have been so busy. So where do I start??
We went to Bournemouth last week and came back on Wednesday. It was fab and has clearly done us all the world of good. I love the sea and dream that one day I may live on the coast, it is so peaceful and relaxing...
Isabelle really enjoyed herself. She kept saying `on holiday mummy' and `i like it' and generally running around all excited. I think her favourite part was the swimming pool in the hotel as all she said from the minute she got up in the morning was `swimming pool mummy??'.
Anyway, we got back on Wednesday and I prepared for my Interview on Thursday. I arrived at QMC on thursday at 10am and didnt leave until 16.30! Yes, I was the last to be interviewed... Anyway, the news is that I am in!!! I have been accepted subject to CRB check and proof of GCSE results to start Jan 2009! I am so excited it just cant come quick enough!
My worries though are firstly, the financial side of it - taking a 20k pay cut! Secondly the hours on placement, how am I going to work it ll round Isabelle? And thirdly, I m still not there yet with the anxiety and was dizzy all day at the interview, could really do with getting much better before january!
With work at the moment, I go back full time next week. I need the money but am really very upset about not spending wednesdays with Isabelle anymore :( . Weekends are always full of housework and entertaining family, wednesday was our only day to just do stuff together! Perhaps I will have to start doing the housework at night??
So thats about it for now. Hopefully I will be able to find some more time now to update my blog more regularly.
We went to Bournemouth last week and came back on Wednesday. It was fab and has clearly done us all the world of good. I love the sea and dream that one day I may live on the coast, it is so peaceful and relaxing...
Isabelle really enjoyed herself. She kept saying `on holiday mummy' and `i like it' and generally running around all excited. I think her favourite part was the swimming pool in the hotel as all she said from the minute she got up in the morning was `swimming pool mummy??'.
Anyway, we got back on Wednesday and I prepared for my Interview on Thursday. I arrived at QMC on thursday at 10am and didnt leave until 16.30! Yes, I was the last to be interviewed... Anyway, the news is that I am in!!! I have been accepted subject to CRB check and proof of GCSE results to start Jan 2009! I am so excited it just cant come quick enough!
My worries though are firstly, the financial side of it - taking a 20k pay cut! Secondly the hours on placement, how am I going to work it ll round Isabelle? And thirdly, I m still not there yet with the anxiety and was dizzy all day at the interview, could really do with getting much better before january!
With work at the moment, I go back full time next week. I need the money but am really very upset about not spending wednesdays with Isabelle anymore :( . Weekends are always full of housework and entertaining family, wednesday was our only day to just do stuff together! Perhaps I will have to start doing the housework at night??
So thats about it for now. Hopefully I will be able to find some more time now to update my blog more regularly.
Tuesday, 6 May 2008
Videonation Clip
Wanted to post the link to my videonation film to look back on if times ever get me down again, remind myself how well I am doing...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/videonation/articles/u/uk_headpostnatal.shtml
Had a good few days with the weather being nice and the `Mile for PNI' walk went well. Weather was beautiful, company was good and Isabelle got to feed the ducks!
David and I have had a tough few days, basically I am a shit wife and not really doing the things that I shouls. But at least we have talked and that has helped. We also have been looking through the info that the mental health worker gave me about making relationshops better and I think that may have opened a few doors.
I hate being a crap wife, and I feel terrible that I am so bad at showing affection, which I know is David's main bug bear, but I will try harder. I love David very much, I just have never been one to be affectionate and am gonna have to learn fast how to do it!
Isabelle is good, she seems to enjoy being out in the sunshine, though often asks to come back in to watch charlie and lola! Ony a week on Saturday till our holiday to Bournemouth! Yipee! And a week tomorrow is Isabelle's Birthday - I am more excited than she is!! LOL. And on top of that I have my interview with the University 2 weeks on Thursday - gulp.
Been really busy this month - got all the above going on and on top of that went to see Colin Fry (very good) last thursday, out for a meal and a nightclub with colleagues last Sat, off to a concert with David on Thursday, then Isabelles B'day, then holiday, then interview, then out on the Sat 24th with the girls, and then out with work colleagues on 28th... My god no wonder I am poor!! Good news that I am doing all this though! Bearing in mind that last year I could barely make it to the co-op!
Right better go give David some attention...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/videonation/articles/u/uk_headpostnatal.shtml
Had a good few days with the weather being nice and the `Mile for PNI' walk went well. Weather was beautiful, company was good and Isabelle got to feed the ducks!
David and I have had a tough few days, basically I am a shit wife and not really doing the things that I shouls. But at least we have talked and that has helped. We also have been looking through the info that the mental health worker gave me about making relationshops better and I think that may have opened a few doors.
I hate being a crap wife, and I feel terrible that I am so bad at showing affection, which I know is David's main bug bear, but I will try harder. I love David very much, I just have never been one to be affectionate and am gonna have to learn fast how to do it!
Isabelle is good, she seems to enjoy being out in the sunshine, though often asks to come back in to watch charlie and lola! Ony a week on Saturday till our holiday to Bournemouth! Yipee! And a week tomorrow is Isabelle's Birthday - I am more excited than she is!! LOL. And on top of that I have my interview with the University 2 weeks on Thursday - gulp.
Been really busy this month - got all the above going on and on top of that went to see Colin Fry (very good) last thursday, out for a meal and a nightclub with colleagues last Sat, off to a concert with David on Thursday, then Isabelles B'day, then holiday, then interview, then out on the Sat 24th with the girls, and then out with work colleagues on 28th... My god no wonder I am poor!! Good news that I am doing all this though! Bearing in mind that last year I could barely make it to the co-op!
Right better go give David some attention...
Friday, 2 May 2008
Poorly Mouth!
Two weeks on thursday will be my interview. I am so frightened that they will turn me down, and still stressing about the money. But the other half of me is so excited that I might actually get a shot at doing this!
Work has been crap this week. Though I did get quite pleasure today in seeing how many haz labels I could stick to one of my colleagues' backs without hum noticing! Got to 6 before some muppet said `why you got all those stickers on your back?...'.
Going to try and have a nice evening with David tonight and give him some attention. He is very unhappy at the moment and I know my time on the forum is a major reason so will have to stay clear tonight!
Wentt to see Colin Fry last night - he is ace! After seeing Derek Acorah last year (he was crap) thought it may be the same with Colin but he was very good and I had a fab night! Off out tomorrow night to a local restaurant with a load of work colleagues for someones leaving do and quite looking forward to it - if I can eat by then! Wont be much fun if I can't tuck in to all those lovely dishes...
No wonder I am stressed about money - with the social life I am having at the moment it should be no surprise I am skint! Guess I am making up for all those months I was housebound with the anxiety!
Well as Isabelle is jumping all over the laptop keys i will cut it short.
Work has been crap this week. Though I did get quite pleasure today in seeing how many haz labels I could stick to one of my colleagues' backs without hum noticing! Got to 6 before some muppet said `why you got all those stickers on your back?...'.
Going to try and have a nice evening with David tonight and give him some attention. He is very unhappy at the moment and I know my time on the forum is a major reason so will have to stay clear tonight!
Wentt to see Colin Fry last night - he is ace! After seeing Derek Acorah last year (he was crap) thought it may be the same with Colin but he was very good and I had a fab night! Off out tomorrow night to a local restaurant with a load of work colleagues for someones leaving do and quite looking forward to it - if I can eat by then! Wont be much fun if I can't tuck in to all those lovely dishes...
No wonder I am stressed about money - with the social life I am having at the moment it should be no surprise I am skint! Guess I am making up for all those months I was housebound with the anxiety!
Well as Isabelle is jumping all over the laptop keys i will cut it short.
Sunday, 27 April 2008
Dizziness
I have managed to find a trauma to write about. The dizziness is back! Just come back from a very unsuccessful trip to Mothercare with Mum and Isabelle and been dizzy the whole time. However, I do know that it is not anxiety related and am pretty certain that as I have had a dull headache all day that it is this migraine associated vertigo thing.
Good timing I suppose as I have an appt at the hospital tomorrow morning. But I hate feeling like this, like I am gonna faint any minute and generally like the world is spinning.
Good job Mum is here to look after Isabelle!
Good timing I suppose as I have an appt at the hospital tomorrow morning. But I hate feeling like this, like I am gonna faint any minute and generally like the world is spinning.
Good job Mum is here to look after Isabelle!
Sun is out
Yesterday my Dad came over to play with Isabelle for a bit so I could get on with some housework. In the afternoon we took her to the park to feed the ducks, play on the swings and have an icecream and a good time was had by all, and no anxiety by me! I am really certain that a bit of sunshine helps this thing.
Just been looking at an EFT taping video and am gonna give it a go once a day this week as a few of us from the forum are. I am not convinced but will give anything a go!
Full of cold (thanks Isabelle) I guess her sneezing into my dinner the other night really did spread the germs! We are off to Mothercare with my Mum in a bit who is ordering her a new bed for her birthday.
I have been stressing alot about money and how i will cope if I get excepted on my course. But I am not going to let it stop me doing it, I am a big girl and am sure I can figure something out.
I am rambling a bit today as I dont really have a lot to say just wanted to update in here really. Will prob post more when something traumatic occurs!
Just been looking at an EFT taping video and am gonna give it a go once a day this week as a few of us from the forum are. I am not convinced but will give anything a go!
Full of cold (thanks Isabelle) I guess her sneezing into my dinner the other night really did spread the germs! We are off to Mothercare with my Mum in a bit who is ordering her a new bed for her birthday.
I have been stressing alot about money and how i will cope if I get excepted on my course. But I am not going to let it stop me doing it, I am a big girl and am sure I can figure something out.
I am rambling a bit today as I dont really have a lot to say just wanted to update in here really. Will prob post more when something traumatic occurs!
Monday, 21 April 2008
My Poorly Baby
I am knackered and dont have a lot to say really.
Isabelle is very poorly with some sort of bug and has lost her voice and has been saying things like `tummy hurt; etc which has made me very sad. I was really cross with David tonight because she was just so tired and upset and David just kept telling her off! She was only being how she was because the poor wee thing is so ill!!!
Its strange to love someone so much you feel like you would truly die for them. And I would for her. I would give her everything to make her happy.
My video from the BBC came in the post today. I look god awful. But the good news is Isabelle looks such a sweetheart. My love for her hurts sometimes.
I am tired and rambling and have another busy day at Hell tomorrow so gonna hit the sack, no doubt Isabelle will be up crying with the pain again in a bit :( .
Isabelle is very poorly with some sort of bug and has lost her voice and has been saying things like `tummy hurt; etc which has made me very sad. I was really cross with David tonight because she was just so tired and upset and David just kept telling her off! She was only being how she was because the poor wee thing is so ill!!!
Its strange to love someone so much you feel like you would truly die for them. And I would for her. I would give her everything to make her happy.
My video from the BBC came in the post today. I look god awful. But the good news is Isabelle looks such a sweetheart. My love for her hurts sometimes.
I am tired and rambling and have another busy day at Hell tomorrow so gonna hit the sack, no doubt Isabelle will be up crying with the pain again in a bit :( .
Saturday, 19 April 2008
Money
I am seriously worried about money. I have 40 quid to last me till pay day (over a week and a half away) and here I am applying for training where I am going to get 6k a year!! How the hell will that work! Just hoping my savings will help see me through the first two years and I can come up with a plan before year 3!
Had a nightmare again today with Isabelle and her tantrums. I am learning just to leave her to it until she snaps out of it, but it is really hard.
Not much more to say today really as feeling a bit down so struggling to write. Maybe I will try again later.
Had a nightmare again today with Isabelle and her tantrums. I am learning just to leave her to it until she snaps out of it, but it is really hard.
Not much more to say today really as feeling a bit down so struggling to write. Maybe I will try again later.
Wednesday, 16 April 2008
Busy Day Off
Well the appointment with the Mental Health Worker went pretty good. She is really happy with how I am doing. She is sorting me out with some on line CBT for the emetephobia and has given me some information to try and help David and I with our intimate issues. She seems to think these physical symptoms of anxiety I still get are residual from all the time I have suffered, but pyschologically I am doing great!
Meeting with lady from the BBC went well too. She was here for about 3 and half hours, which isnt bad going considering she only needs two minutes of footage! I should get a copy by the end of this week or the beginning of next.
Isabelle has been really good and i am trying to think of something fun to do with her for the remainder of the day but am a bit lost for ideas.
Back to work tomorrow followed by Yoga and then I am helping my friend by posing as a witness for her (she is training as a barrister). Then it will be straight home and to bed as I am battered. Could go to bed now actually if I could!
Wish my interview would hurry up with NHS/University. Just want to know now whether I am going to get in or not! I hate waiting.
Meeting with lady from the BBC went well too. She was here for about 3 and half hours, which isnt bad going considering she only needs two minutes of footage! I should get a copy by the end of this week or the beginning of next.
Isabelle has been really good and i am trying to think of something fun to do with her for the remainder of the day but am a bit lost for ideas.
Back to work tomorrow followed by Yoga and then I am helping my friend by posing as a witness for her (she is training as a barrister). Then it will be straight home and to bed as I am battered. Could go to bed now actually if I could!
Wish my interview would hurry up with NHS/University. Just want to know now whether I am going to get in or not! I hate waiting.
Tuesday, 15 April 2008
My Husband and I
Well i think right now would be a very good time for me to write about things with David.
We have been married for 7 weeks now, though together for 7 years, and i could never love another man more than i love David. He is so kind and caring and really looks after me, and i have loved him from day 1 I think!
Since this whole PNI thing kicked off some strange things have happened to me. I dont know why or what has caused them but they have been very distressing. I cant have sex, or be touched in a sexy way. I am happy to touch David in that way when i am in control but i cannot be touche back and i just dont know why. My mental health worker is supposed to be sorting me out with some sort of phsyco-sexual counselling, bit i am still waiting.
If this isnt enough of a problem for our relationship in itself, it is compounded by the fact that i have not been so close to David in other ways. And it has taken me until tonight to realise why. I really enjoy spending time with David, talking, cuddling and having a laugh, but i feel like anytime i go near him he immediately starts touching me or making rude comments. I know he is just being funny and not serious with me, but it is putting me on edge, and so i have found that sub-conciously i have been backing away for this reason.
I dont know how to handle this. This is the man i want to be with forever and i am such a freak I am driving a massive wedge between us as I can se that he is starting to get really frustrated with me (understandably). I wish I knew the answers..
We have been married for 7 weeks now, though together for 7 years, and i could never love another man more than i love David. He is so kind and caring and really looks after me, and i have loved him from day 1 I think!
Since this whole PNI thing kicked off some strange things have happened to me. I dont know why or what has caused them but they have been very distressing. I cant have sex, or be touched in a sexy way. I am happy to touch David in that way when i am in control but i cannot be touche back and i just dont know why. My mental health worker is supposed to be sorting me out with some sort of phsyco-sexual counselling, bit i am still waiting.
If this isnt enough of a problem for our relationship in itself, it is compounded by the fact that i have not been so close to David in other ways. And it has taken me until tonight to realise why. I really enjoy spending time with David, talking, cuddling and having a laugh, but i feel like anytime i go near him he immediately starts touching me or making rude comments. I know he is just being funny and not serious with me, but it is putting me on edge, and so i have found that sub-conciously i have been backing away for this reason.
I dont know how to handle this. This is the man i want to be with forever and i am such a freak I am driving a massive wedge between us as I can se that he is starting to get really frustrated with me (understandably). I wish I knew the answers..
BBC Coming...
Well today is a better day. Woke with the tummy bug still this morning, but feel like eating now which is a good start!
Also has some more Moderators contact me to tell me they feel I was harshly treated and I didn’t deserve what I got which has made me feel a lot less like me against the world! Also on a good note the mod who really upset me apologised and I am glad because I was feeling really sad about the fact that I had apologised but heard nothing back and I thought our friendship had gone down the pan.
Got the BBC coming tomorrow to film a documentary on PNI for video nation. Got mental health worker at 09.30 am and then BBC lady to pick up from the train station at 11.30 am. Am stressing that she might want feeding or something and I have no food in but hopefully she will have had enough sense to bring some pack up with her??? Of course it also means I will be running round like a headless tonight bathing and washing Isabelle’s hair, washing my hair, straightening my hair, tidying and cleaning…
Also has some more Moderators contact me to tell me they feel I was harshly treated and I didn’t deserve what I got which has made me feel a lot less like me against the world! Also on a good note the mod who really upset me apologised and I am glad because I was feeling really sad about the fact that I had apologised but heard nothing back and I thought our friendship had gone down the pan.
Got the BBC coming tomorrow to film a documentary on PNI for video nation. Got mental health worker at 09.30 am and then BBC lady to pick up from the train station at 11.30 am. Am stressing that she might want feeding or something and I have no food in but hopefully she will have had enough sense to bring some pack up with her??? Of course it also means I will be running round like a headless tonight bathing and washing Isabelle’s hair, washing my hair, straightening my hair, tidying and cleaning…
Monday, 14 April 2008
Appraisal Day
Well I had my appraisal today, same shit, different year. I really wasn’t bothered this year either and I think it may have to do with my upcoming interview to train as a mental health nurse. Not that I think I will get the job, but I do feel that it has made me realise that’s where I need to be. Shame really as I got a really good appraisal!
Things have been a bit difficult for me the last few days due to a major issue on the PNI site I work for. It is weird because the two people that attacked me were people I really do care about! And I was even called egocentric by a lady I thought of as a good friend! Now I am many things (most of them not good) but egocentric really doesn’t come into it!
Luckily, 3 other moderators contacted privately to back me up and tell me that I was being unfairly attacked and to ignore the two who had caused me the grief. Don’t get me wrong, it is my fault it all started in the first place because whilst in the best interest of two people I made a mistake that shouldn’t have happened. But I should never have been treated the way I was.
My problem in life is that every one assumes I don’t have feelings because I come across as a hard nosed bitch. I was annoyed by this as I knew if certain other mods had made the mistake I had, then everyone would have tip toed nicely nicely round them, but because I don’t crumple in front of people they assume its ok to hurt me.
I don’t know what I am going to do about it. I love supporting the women on their and wouldn’t want to give it up for the world. But on the other end of the scale I cant work with people who think so little of me. So we will just have to see how I feel in a couple of days I guess.
Well quite enjoying this blog business, its quite therapeutic!
Things have been a bit difficult for me the last few days due to a major issue on the PNI site I work for. It is weird because the two people that attacked me were people I really do care about! And I was even called egocentric by a lady I thought of as a good friend! Now I am many things (most of them not good) but egocentric really doesn’t come into it!
Luckily, 3 other moderators contacted privately to back me up and tell me that I was being unfairly attacked and to ignore the two who had caused me the grief. Don’t get me wrong, it is my fault it all started in the first place because whilst in the best interest of two people I made a mistake that shouldn’t have happened. But I should never have been treated the way I was.
My problem in life is that every one assumes I don’t have feelings because I come across as a hard nosed bitch. I was annoyed by this as I knew if certain other mods had made the mistake I had, then everyone would have tip toed nicely nicely round them, but because I don’t crumple in front of people they assume its ok to hurt me.
I don’t know what I am going to do about it. I love supporting the women on their and wouldn’t want to give it up for the world. But on the other end of the scale I cant work with people who think so little of me. So we will just have to see how I feel in a couple of days I guess.
Well quite enjoying this blog business, its quite therapeutic!
Sunday, 13 April 2008
My first ever blog.
Well i have definately started this late on at night!
Wasnt sure where to start but i thought perhaps a quick intro to me incase anyone ever reads this.
I am 26 and mum to a beautiful little girl who will be 2 years old next month. I have a fabulous husband and i currently work as a Transport Supervisor. I also do some part time work for PNI Org UK on the forum and am currently studying for a certificate in mental health awareness also.
After the birth of my daughter i suffered PNI which led to me experiencing GAD. I am in recovery now, but my experiences have led me to the deciosion that i would like to become a mental health nurse. It means training on a bursary for 3 years that would be tough for but i am ready for the challenge (as long as i dont have to sell my car!) I have an interview next month, and i am petrified they wont take me based upon my own medical issues, but i will never know if i dont try.
Well, theres the start of it. I am sure at some stage i will go into details of my past, present and future, but for one whos eyes are drooping this is a good start.
Wasnt sure where to start but i thought perhaps a quick intro to me incase anyone ever reads this.
I am 26 and mum to a beautiful little girl who will be 2 years old next month. I have a fabulous husband and i currently work as a Transport Supervisor. I also do some part time work for PNI Org UK on the forum and am currently studying for a certificate in mental health awareness also.
After the birth of my daughter i suffered PNI which led to me experiencing GAD. I am in recovery now, but my experiences have led me to the deciosion that i would like to become a mental health nurse. It means training on a bursary for 3 years that would be tough for but i am ready for the challenge (as long as i dont have to sell my car!) I have an interview next month, and i am petrified they wont take me based upon my own medical issues, but i will never know if i dont try.
Well, theres the start of it. I am sure at some stage i will go into details of my past, present and future, but for one whos eyes are drooping this is a good start.
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